Does Vegas = Divorce? [VIDEO]

cheaper than a college education?
say it's your birthday, anniversary, fathers day, christmas gift all wrapped into one for a full year?
although I must say… I'm debating on the vegas trip as well … and I only live in phx so airfare is not an issue (I'd drive).
hhhhmmmmm
Good luck with this one. I'm anxious to hear what others say.
My recent post What Zone Am I

same gig…and I'm betting this clash of vision happens often–mine did.
I tried to lots of persuasion–never worked.
I tried compromising, just makes me miserable and slows down my progress and can even destroy my enthusiasm and can lead to total failure.
I tried dragging her into my vision along with me to various events and activities to give her some to touch smell and feel…..no value affect at all and only made her miserable.
I ended up mostly nodding and ignoring her wishes to keep doing what I know the vision needed and applied all my energy toward it, rather than half my energy trying to "turn a chicken into an eagle".
She finally left me and it has set me way back in my progress, but I'm slowly coming back and eventually will have no problem screaming ahead at blazing speed.
She was a "crab in a bucket", a "ball and chain" that I'm not gonna miss much….but what she did to me was quite a large mental wound due to the damage she is causing to my son's life. She is so apposed to business and what i'm doing to create a better life that she does not want me to teach or be near my son, so she took him 5 states away and is destroying our incredible relationship that he and I had for 6 years together almost everyday, homeschooling, playing baseball, swimming and hanging out with me in my business daily routines. The kid was living the life you would want your kid to live and she took it all away from him. Put him in public school and with no more daddy to hang with and learn from daily.

So my answer is: Don't let anyone steal your dreams–not even your wife! But if you have kids, you may want to keep your foot on the gas pedal, but not pressed hard to the floor where it belongs until the kids are 18yrs old.

I had no idea my kid's life would be damaged so dramatically and it is extremely regretful I let it happen….I'm still hopeful I can salvage some of it for him, but it is still uncertain.

Good luck with your decision.

PS–I'm studying and doing Chris Farrell membership site trainings…going well. I hope to have a squeeze page up very soon. Nice blog site here too.

Hi Chris – perhaps there is an insight from my story?

I set up an internet company from my bedroom in January 2007 with a clear strategy, plan, and vision. As time unfolded, none of the planned steps happened exactly as written – but the strategy remained constant. I took on investors, built a team, traffic, volume, clients and a hefty turnover – moving into bigger and better offices, and even bought other companies to help growth. All the while I was 100% focused on the strategy – 18 hour days, weeks away from home, hours with lawyers and dealmakers.

It was hard and it took a massive toll at home. You see, I was in flow – I LOVED it; My other half though hated every minute of every day and the mismatch took us to the brink as she refused to understand or see my vision (as I then accused her) Surely I was only doing this for my family wasn't I? Hell No! said she, Your family has been relegated to a part time hobby, while relationships with superficiality were getting all my attention. I effectively cheated my family out of time and me.

When I successfully sold all my companies in October 2009 I spent months congratulating myself on a job well done, having achieved the financial freedom I always wanted BUT as we talked it through – I realised that it was NOT worth it. I had missed too much valuable time with my young family, time I cannot get back.

We set a pact that in future, we BOTH had to agree , and if I could not persuade her, she could have the veto vote and I would not complain. I have now set up a new company with a new vision and a new strategy and in our startup phase, my partner is, as your wife is, the CFO – with a veto vote.

She holds me accountable for all the spending, investing, visioning, networking and building, and absolutely trusts my judgement BUT it is brilliant to have someone asking " Is it really essential for the strategy, and what SPECIFICALLY will we get out of it" If she thinks it is inside the tramlines , we execute. If not she can veto.

I have had 3 opportunities similar to your 'Vegas' and none have been essential to OUR startup phase albeit massive networking opportunites. I have succumbed to the accountability of "Bring me some money in first, allocate it to the Plan, and work the Plan"

It's still hard – still 18 hour days, still loads of time honing and sculpting the new company – but THIS time, we are BOTH in flow. She feels respected and secure because she sees and lives the vision she is involved in. So I am not chasing financial success this time around, not only because I am confident in the strategy, but because the strategy and the accountability builds confidence in the relationship.

Thank you for the opportunity to share and I hope it informs your decision to go to Vegas, If you both share the strategy, if you both consider that your company is as an empty chair in the discussion, then you will make the right decision, of that I have no doubt.

My warmest wishes to a successful outcome,

Mark

Is this an issue of money or is this an issue of having support? If money – maybe find sponsors? If support – that may just take time for her to see the results your generate. Patience is probably the best course of action for both of you right now.

Hey Chris, I think a large percentage of us entrepreneurs run into this situation. Mark made some excellent points in sharing his story and I learned a lot just from reading his comment and others. From reading this I realized I probably need to let my wife in on more of what I'm doing building my business.

Maybe this could be a compromise….you go to Vegas, when you come back you have 3 months to re-coup those expenses or at least a portion. If not, maybe there's something you cut out of your monthly budget to pay for the trip? Just a thought.

Thanks for sharing. I learned a lot and will look forward to posts from others who see your video.
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Chris,.. Steven here. First, submit yourself to your wife if you love her brother! If you are having a hard time getting your point across on the importance of this trip back up and show her that she comes first. Point being, if you can get by without going to Vegas as exciting as it may be show her where your priorities lay and whats most important! If your marriage is one sided with you the only one giving to her then do what you have to do! Either way my wife comes first before career other than my relationship with God then its god then my wife then family! I'll say a prayer for you big guy! All the Best,… Steven

Hi, Chris,

You are in quite a pickle, aren't you! First of all, I can tell you already understand that you need to respect your wife and include her in your decisions. Secondly, your wife approved, or at least allowed this video, so she is probably willing to let you go — IF she can be comfortable with the decision.

You Think you Need to go to Vegas, but, while I am sure it will do you a lot of good, Chris Farrell is not worth a sprinkle of salt if your success depends on it! (I am not in his program, but I am a Chris Farrell Fan) So the first thing you need to realize and accept, is that the trip is not essential. I am sure the trip will be well worth much more than you spend on it, but it is not essential to your success. Chris Farrell and the trip are only tools, you are what makes your business a success.

Once you have accepted this, I mean in your heart, you will have grounds to negotiate intelligently with your wife. It may appear that cost is the concern your wife has, but you won't know until you can sit on equal terms and talk it over. First of all, tell her that you realize it is not essential to your success, but that it could be a valuable tool. Tell her you respect her and want her to be comfortable with your decision to go, or to stay home. Ask her, what makes her uncomfortable — listen, take notes if necessary, but really listen to her concerns. Then acknowledge her concerns and ask her what would it take to make her feel comfortable with your going. (chances are, she wants 'guarantees'.)

—-Continued—
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Part 2
Try to pin her down to specifics. I can't know what she will say, but lets say, she needs to see you make $300 in your business before the trip. If that is the case, you have to attempt to make that $300 before you can go. Remember that you are not negotiating a trade. You are trying to find out what will comfort your wife's concerns. Don't offer to re-roof, paint and remodel the house, unless it will be done from the proceeds of your business! If you can't comfort her, you agree to stay home.

Time is running against you. In order for you to go, you will have to have certain financial obligations met such as hotel and flight reservations early so you can actually get there. You must make your wife comfortable before you commit to these obligations.

What if you can't do this? You should have already accepted the fact that the trip is not essential, so accept the fact that you cannot go. If your wife reads this, she will ruin the surprise, but here goes. Plan something special for your wife during the weekend of the trip. Take time with her and show her that she really is more important than the trip. Don't show any sadness about not going.

Let me focus attention on YOU, now. You are young, you are excited and anxious about this business. You are probably an emotional roller-coaster right now wishing you were further along, and then feeling like you arrived when you haven't. That is normal. I have been there. Once you accept that this is your business, and believe in yourself, you will be able to ride out the roller coaster rides. This is a business. It is a commitment. If you have never had a business before, think of yourself as your business's only employee, this is your Job to get things done. Do your job like you don't want to get fired and like you badly want a raise! After a few raises, you will get a promotion and will not have to work as long and hard. But for now, DO YOUR JOB! Don't slack off on your employer either. Give your employer everything as though you own his company! Why? Because, you need to fulfill your obligation to your employer! Also, I have noticed over the years that people who start in business, usually Multi-Level organizations, start slacking off and get fired. Then their obligations shift from what they need to be doing for their business to surviving until it pays off. Usually, work habits follow a person from job to business. Slackers at work are generally slackers at business and fail! You are no slacker! Don't become one! It is a real danger.
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Part 3

You go to work when you don't feel like it, do your business when you don't feel like it! Action wins, wishful thinking is for lottery players. 90% of the $$ multimillion winners will be bankrupt in 5 years, with 80% bankrupt in two! That is not you. You are developing habits that will make you millions and if you lose it, you will make it back! You are a success! Live like it!
http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=1524…

Continue to love your wife and remember to comfort her as often as possible. It is hard for her to accept what you are doing and expecting because it is not real to her and it is a competition to her. So keep her comforted and loved while you work on your business.

You obviously failed to reach your initial goal of where you wanted to be today. Failed? Yes, don't think of it as a bad word. It is part of your business. You are still progressing, aren't you? You have learned? Yes, you are and you have learned! Set new goals. Schedule plans to get there. Find something your wife wants when you realize the success you are. Get a picture of it, get a picture of her, paste them together and tape it to the top of your computer! Every time you look at it, say "I give you, my wife, this ____!" fill in the blank.

Now, go, get alone somewhere and morn, if that is what it takes, to realize that you do not NEED this trip, or Chris Farrell. Realize it, understand it, believe it and accept it. Then, share with your wife that you have accepted it and are comfortable in not going on the trip. Then discuss what it would take for her to become comfortable with you taking the trip. If you can't do it in time, tell her that you can't but that you accept it and love her.

My wife thinks I will be lucky to make $2000 per month and she would be estatic if I just make $1000/month. It is not in her right now to accept that what she sees as 'great' is not even a good start.

One more thing and I'll give you your blog back… check this link.
http://www.liveofftheweb.com/blog/success/crossin…

God bless you and her. Take care and spend time loving and comforting your wife. But don't forget to DO YOUR JOB! Both of them!

Buck
My recent post Article Spinning — Good or Bad

Part 4
Sorry for so many replies. The system told me to break it up.
Sorry it is so long, I didn't realize how long.

Sincerely
Buck

Hi Chris, I'm in a very fortunate position, that I have an incredibly supportive partner, who backs me up all the way. He does look after the money though and so when I told him I wanted to go to Vegas he had to have a think about it. Now we're going to be in Thailand at the time of the conference so not only is it going to be very expensive it means leaving him and my daughter for a minimum of 5/6 days, because the flights are at least 19hrs each way. At the end of the day though he knows how much this means to me, how much I want it and he also has lots of proof as to how hard I'm working at it and the amount of action I'm prepared to take to make it happen. He completely believes in me and knows that I will be successful and because of that he's completely backing up my trip to Vegas.

If this is something you really want to do, if it is absolutely your dream and you're putting all your energy etc into it and your wife can see that, then you need to sit down together and work through her objections.

You talk about this not being worth it if there isn't a wife at the end of it, but on the other hand it's not worth it for her holding you back if there isn't a husband at the end! My partner and I regularly sit down and talk about where we want our lives to be, what our visions are, what a perfect day would mean to us both and then we put in place plans to get us there that we are BOTH BOUGHT INTO!

Somehow Chris, if this is absolutely, categorically what you want to do with your life, you have to get her on board, or this will happen every time a new opportunity arises.

Good Luck!!!

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Chris,
These are your 3 choices:

1. Be an alpha male. Tell your wife she needs to trust you and support you completely or she can take a hike. Strip the title of Chief Financial Officer from her. 50-50 marriages don't work, period. You have to be the leader, she has to fall in place. What if Frida didn't trust what her famous spouse, Chris Farrell, was doing? By the way, give yourself several months where you just learn as much as you can and do little else. Once you learn technical skills, strategy, and tactics, implementation will be easy. If you try to learn while doing a big project, like starting a business, one will suffer. So, say after 3 months of concentrated learning, you then start implementing. Which means your wife won't "see" any progress for that steep learning curve period–she'll have to trust that you are building a firm foundation.

2. Be a beta male. Give in to every concern your wife has. Every little thing that makes her uncomfortable, don't do it. Every fear she has, submit to it. Put all your dreams, desires, and willingness to take risks aside. Just do everything your wife wants. Get out of IM and get a regular job. Don't drive over 70mph. Drop friendships with people she doesn't like, for whatever reason, trivial or not. Don't do things without her. Check every decision with her first and, only if she "lets" you, with your Facebook friends and your family, because you might decide wrong if you make a decision yourself. Live a miserable life. Oh, by the way, your wife won't be happy either because there will always be something else, and she won't be married to a real man.

3. Go your separate ways. What good is a marriage if there is not 100% trust, and that is basically what it comes down to. What good is being with someone who doesn't support your dreams? This is just the beginning. It will get worse. Be glad there are no children yet. Go it alone. Eventually you will find someone who truly loves you because one who does will support your authority and dreams and trust you completely.

My advice: Tell your wife you are going to Vegas–you'd be a fool not to go. By the way, you can take her. Maybe that would be the best thing–to go together. She'll get excited about IM! This will open a huge door. After Vegas, tell her you absolutely will not do option 2. Leave it to her to decide between option 1 or 3. If she chooses option 1, tell her she has to give you complete control. This means making all the decisions related to learning and doing IM including money to buy stuff and how you spend your time. All her speech must be positive–no little digs about things. In return, promise her that you'll be successful, and then do whatever it takes to make it so. Women need security, so assure her that you will take care of her, but times will be tough initially, but you'll get through this part together, and thank you for being brave and trusting. You know it's hard for her, etc. Show empathy, but stand firm.

All the best,
Michele
PS: I posted on my wall about alpha vs. beta males. She's already turning you into a beta. Do you want to lose your manhood? This issue isn't about Vegas. It's about trust, support, your dreams, and her wanting to deny the very essence of who she married–an entrepreneur who by definition to be successful, takes risks, invests in education and tools, and dreams big dreams. Oh, and she thinks she wants you to be beta, but trust me, healthy minded women much prefer alpha males. Give her what she needs–reassurance, security, and empathy, all while standing your ground, and you will more likely get option 1 in return.

Michele – Wow! I appreciate your theory and am about to check out that blog post. I hear you saying there are only 2 options, but I'm wondering the roles of alpha/beta are fluid. Not sure if you know Tony Robbins relationship training… he has a slightly different take on the same direction you're going here.

Tony Robbins got divorced. His wife tried to hold him back. He could never please her because there was always something else she wanted, based on her insecurities and fears. He felt that by staying, he was losing his manhood.

Check out this post by a Leanne that I found on a Tony Robbins forum:
"Tony has never advocated staying in a marriage at any cost. He's all for saving a good relationship, but also for having the courage to do the right thing if the compatibility for a good relationship is just not there.
They didn't DECIDE together to split, he left her and she WAS NOT happy. In fact SHE got very nasty for quite some time after.
At a recent event I attended Tony said that he was forever sacrificing his strength and masculinity to be a 'pleaser' to Becky and that his loud, talkative, active personality was always criticized. As the very essence of who he is was not acceptable at home, he became more and more unhappy. He still cares for Becky and will always be there for her, but he could not be true to himself and who he is and her be happy, and he couldn't change to be acceptable to her and still be happy himself. So despite his great affection for her, he made the hard decision." (you can email me for the link or Google for it–Tony Robbins divorce and on the first page, choose chat.tonyrobbins…)

Fortunately you don't have a son yet. Do you want his mother to make him into a "Mama's boy"? Would
your wife allow her son to play football (he might get hurt), to rough house (silly, dangerous play), to play with toy guns (she probably thinks they're evil), to climb (he might fall), to grow into a man?

If your wife will support your trip to Vegas and doing IM on your terms, all is well. If not, you are at a crossroads. If you take the "easy" answer, which for now is to stay, then commit to the marriage and your dreams taking a backseat until the youngest child is 18 because divorce is horrible for children. You seriously need to think ahead and weigh all the costs.

Why don't you take her to Vegas? She may get excited about IM and be a true partner in your success? That, to me, is the best answer! You'll be the leader, she will fully support you as she learns, too, and she'll learn to overcome her fears and insecurities.

Chris – the one thing I saw as a recurring issue in your post with your spouse is the issue of "cost"

I'm sure you already tried this, but somehow you want to get her to see this as an "investment"

Why? Well for one thing… IT IS.

And also, it's a tax write-off since it's for business.

Plus what you will get out of being there with all of those budding and super successful internet marketers far outweighs the cost.

Many people have attributed much of their success to getting to one of these offline events. Not just because they went, but because they either saw the big picture, met many potential JV partners, had a major breakthrough in one of the sessions, had a major breakthrough after a random conversation in the hallway, met a "Guru" they could relate to who gave them words of encouragement, or all of the above.

Maybe you can take her with you? If you can do that, then you'll be good to go.

Although Vegas may not be as much fun with her there with you. LMAO!!!

The best way to get her on your team supporting you is to show her the money.

Make a shitload of money with this and she'll let you go anywhere and will see going to these events as an investment rather than a cost.

All The Best,
Jason Dinner

Good grief man, what a lot of stuff about nothing. If money is an issue then man up because the well-being and safety of your family is obviously the first consideration and besides you can watch the damn video that ADC promised to post for free. And then when you have IM earnings go to all the Vegas's you want and take everyone with you. Besides, there is a lot more educational things you can spend your money on if you so choose that would be more beneficial than a sales conference. This is not about risk versus benefits at all, it is about sitting down and writing a solid business plan, budget and setting a strong foundation with which to build a successful business as well as a solid partnership in a marriage.